i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
