Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The beer is more important than you right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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