Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
