It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
