I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
