Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
