See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
