these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
