sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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