we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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