I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
