im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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