I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
