Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
