If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
