Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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