Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
