Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
