i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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