actually, I'm a sock model
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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