if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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