when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
