a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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