Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
