just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
