a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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