I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
