That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
