She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
