I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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