And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
