Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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