I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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