I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
