Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
