She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
