um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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