Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
