I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
