i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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