The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
