If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
