does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
