I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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