why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
