I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
