The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
