you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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