we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
