so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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